FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
