headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
