If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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