I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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