Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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