everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
