I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
