Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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