Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
