We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
