Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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