did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
