What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
