She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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