your parents love me but you hate me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
