First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
