he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
