I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
