I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
