but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
