Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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