Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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