I'm passing your future prison.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
