u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
