I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
