you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
