Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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