when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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