for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
