We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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