I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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