fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
