so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
