Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
