you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
