I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like a drive thru vagina
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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