Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
