There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
