Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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