p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
