non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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