i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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