ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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