You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
