Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
