Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
