Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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