So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
