The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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