We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
