WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
