im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
this is an emotional support booty call
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
