jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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